Never Go Food Shopping with 2 Young Children

Never Go Food Shopping with 2 Young Children
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It starts with sunshine and a naively optimistic plan that you’ll be home by 10am with food for the week, have baked cakes by midday, settled everyone down for a home cooked lunch by 1pm and have dinner in the oven shortly after.

It ends at 10:30am with heavy rain, full hands, broken carrier bags, an even more broken soul and screaming children.

Food Shopping with Young Children

I typically shop online. But on the one occasion I chose to go to the supermarket instead, I learned a lot about myself and my sons:

  1. I should never go to supermarkets with children
  2. Children should never go to supermarkets with me
  3. Supermarkets needs to invest in soft play areas (or padded cells)

It Started So Well…

The sun was shining. We were all up and ready and it seemed like today would be a good day to get s**t done. I was going to be a domestic Goddess. I would shop, I would cook, I would clean and by the end of the day they’d be practically begging me to join the Women’s Institute.before food shopping with children

So off we skipped to the shops….

The Problems with Supermarkets and Children

It took no more than 15 seconds after getting through the door to realise that supermarkets and young children are fundamentally incompatible. Here’s loosely what happened.

  1. Mum enters supermarket with baby in sling and toddler walking nicely beside her
  2. Mum gets a trolley and attempts to sit toddler in it. Toddler is not sitting in a trolley. Not today. Not ever. He makes sure the whole supermarket knows this fact
  3. Mum decides that in the interests of keeping the peace, toddler can walk around the supermarket. Ha… joke. Mum doesn’t have a choice in the matter. Toddler is walking.
  4. No, toddler is running. Like a fu**ing maniac… in the direction of the toy cars.
  5. Toddler is lying on the floor rolling the toy cars up and down and refusing to move
  6. Mum contemplates whether she can get the food shop done while he lies here and just return to pick him up at the end of it. Decides against that move.
  7. Mum takes her opportunity, lifts toddler and puts him into trolley seat
  8. Toddler makes it clear he is unhappy with this
  9. Mum bribes toddler with some juice, her iPhone and one of the cars he was just playing with. This appears to work
  10. Mum sods the shopping list and just throws thing at random into her trolley as quickly as is humanly possible, all the while fully expecting another toddler meltdown
  11. Mum head for the checkout but sees someone she knows. There’s no time to have a conversation today. Toddler time bomb is ticking
  12. Mum turns and walks in the opposite direction
  13. Toddler then catches sight of the cafe and no longer has any interest in car or iPhone
  14. Toddler screams, “CAAAAAKE,” at the top of his voice and threatens complete meltdown should Mum go in any direction other than the cafe
  15. Mum goes to the cafe, gets a very large espresso and a piece of cake she intends to share with the toddler (the cake for sharing, not the espresso)
  16. Toddler has other ideas about sharing. By the time Mum has fed baby, cake is gone
  17. By the time Mum and toddler return to trolley, frozen food is defrosting but it’s tough
  18. Toddler has meltdown about being put back in trolley. iPhone bribery fails
  19. Mum checks out in a haze of bag stuffing and screaming
  20. Baby joins in screaming chorus
  21. Mum gets outside. It’s pouring down. She’s parked at the other side of the car park.
  22. NOW the toddler wants carrying. Obviously.

after food shopping with children

The Moral of the Story

Mum will always be doing her food shopping online. Always. Forever. And if, one day, the Internet dies and Mum can’t do her food shopping online anymore, then she’ll be shopping at midnight when the children are in bed.

 

 

 

 

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11 Comments

    • stacey
      22nd May 2017 / 8:11 pm

      I certainly learnt my lesson ha!

  1. 22nd May 2017 / 6:39 am

    Oh gosh, I thought it was getting difficult with my 1 year old, he likes the free fruit in tesco though but he likes to scream for fun. I can only imagine that when he’s walking it’ll be a whole lot tougher. I agree it would be so much easier to shop online haha xx

    • stacey
      22nd May 2017 / 8:12 pm

      Definitely online! Children who can walk do not mix well with supermarkets!

    • stacey
      22nd May 2017 / 8:12 pm

      It’s really stressful! And you end up leaving with a trolley full of nonsense because you’ve just rushed the whole thing ha!

  2. 22nd May 2017 / 6:07 pm

    This is why I don’t go shopping with children (besides buggy bound baby) anymore!!

  3. 23rd May 2017 / 8:18 am

    I actually quite enjoy food shopping and I am quite lucky that for the most of it my girls are fairly well behaved. But I am starting to sway towards online just for time saving reasons ox

  4. 24th May 2017 / 11:28 am

    I can only shop with my six month old if he sleeps, I also get little bits. If I did the full blown food shop, we wouldn’t be best friends anymore!

    • stacey
      24th May 2017 / 10:20 pm

      Haha!x

  5. steph
    26th May 2017 / 11:56 am

    haha this is amazing, honestly I hate food shopping with my littlest. I struggle to get her in the trolly let alone get the shopping done!

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